Emotional Maturity helps to cope with the Emotionally Unavailable
Loving and supporting those who struggle with mental health is a never ending compromise.
Of utmost importance, one must learn to lower expectations when it comes to dealing with the emotionally unavailable, underdeveloped or damaged. It’s a difficult journey at best. A lack of unresolved and conflicted dialogue is so frustrating that one questions their own mental wellness. I know I have.
I’m not alone. Registered Psychotherapist Andrea D’Onofrio from Toronto’s Sunnyside Healing Arts has reported to me that experiencing a low level of emotional development is what brings people into therapy. Progress begins when a person learns to recognize and regulate their reactions.
Counselling can help a patient suffering mental illness and it can also be beneficial for the loving family member who is learning to find empathy, set healthy boundaries and preserve their wellbeing, all while developing emotionally themselves. I’ll admit to my own discoveries. I’ve learned that I can’t affect those who are lost in perception. I can only choose how I respond to their lack of acknowledgment and treatment.
Psychological impairment can be seen as social immaturity, emotional unavailability, overcompensating arrogance and often, poor behaviour. Defiant attitudes, blaming, criticism, manipulating and shunning are all low level tactics of the unenlightened. These are the tools used by the Emotionally Immature.
Emotional Intelligence is learned in families. Children imprint on the parents who raise them and eventually may follow the same behaviour patterns or learn to defy them. Emotional growth and personal development is complex and multi dimensional, learning to manage our expectancies helps with frustration, disappointment and hurt. Life acceptance strategies help one to let go and concentrate on their own happiness. I speak from experience.
I personally have learned to empathize and be aware of my loved one’s limitations. I cannot assert that I be loved or respected but I also don’t have to wait around, hoping for any change.
One cannot expect to boost someone else’s emotional intelligence by not, working on their own.
“Consciouness comes in varying levels, we learn to move towards those who
vibrate similarly to ourselves” says D’Onofrio
Which is why, it is said, that we are the Five People we spend the most time with.
We can support our loved ones in their journey
But we don’t have to be their best friend.